The benefit of having been pregnant a few times before is that I understand pregnant-Kilee a little better. No matter how optimistic I start out each pregnancy- normal-Kilee leaves for 9 months (and longer) and pregnant-Kilee replaces her. I’m always hoping to still behave like myself, still feel like myself and just grow a baby on the side. But that growing a baby actually takes over everything and I end up going a little crazy.
When I was pregnant with Easton I didn’t understand those things at all. I didn’t understand how much my hormones depress me or stress me out or change my eating habits. So I ended up dying my hair black (bad idea), trying out bangs (also bad idea) and eating everything that sounded good (also bad idea). It took me a while to find myself again after I had Easton. And honestly as soon as I got close to that I was pregnant with Kesler.
I don’t think I have any tangible evidence of crazy during Kesler’s pregnancy, but I guess I did coupon like a crazy person during that time. We had more hot chocolate and laundry stain spray than we could ever go through- but I don’t count those things as negative. So I did okay.
With Knox I had already started blogging so I can go back and see some of my outfit choices or my hair during that time and feel like ‘ugh.’ My judgement wasn’t very good and I didn’t quite see myself exactly as I looked. I mean don’t get me wrong, some of my past maternity style I do like, but things only got better after I was done being pregnant.
So to continue the saga, this last pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage and this one, I was able to tell almost immediately that I was pregnant because my crazy-self started creeping back in. My mood swings are out of control, I am super unmotivated, all food sounds good all of the time and I can’t stop eating. I also start hate all of my clothes (they don’t fit the same anymore) and can’t decide what clothes I do like. Usually I only feel safe in Soren’s sweats. Ugh. See what I mean? I’m not myself. I crash at about 8 pm every night and naps need to start being a regular thing. I realize this sounds like classic pregnancy- but why the immediate transformation?? I know Soren is not amused- but he know’s crazy-pregnant-Kilee pretty well to so he’s on the look out for dark hair dye and outfits that are really off.
THIS outfit however- I do feel good it. It’s baggy in an appropriate way and still feels put together. I’m not one to wear things on repeat, but crazy-Kilee might be.
Do you feel like a totally different person when you are pregnant? How do you change?