TUNIC- Chicwish // PANTS- Express // BAG- Target // CUFF- Stitch Fix // EARRINGS- Nickel & Suede (Scuba Blue- large) // SHOES- TJ Maxx
You guys- the fog is clearing. I’m feeling myself again and man, does it feel good! I’ve been struggling with a lot of negative, depressed and unmotivated feelings for the last few months and I really appreciate you putting up with me. My poor kids and husband. They have dealt with the worst of it and I think everyone is feeling better now that I am feeling better. My first trimesters are never too hard physically, but mentally they are really tough- and this one has been no different.
For anyone who has ever dealt with depression- I feel you. It is a real thing and it is so hard. I’ve dealt with different levels of depression over the years and even though it’s not a struggle that manifests itself like nausea, it’s a whole other class of difficulty because it’s your mind! Depression twists your perspective on everything and changes how you react and what choices you make. And knowing you are depressed doesn’t really make it any easier. It’s hard to act like yourself when your brain literally isn’t thinking like itself!
Lately I am recognizing the HUGE blessing of coming back to life and out of the depression haze. Now I’m still not THAT chipper or optimistic or friendly or fun (those are character flaws that I’m working on….), but I am happier, more optimistic and hopeful in general. I have been more productive lately (which always puts me in a good mood) and I’ve felt like a tangible creative energy coming back.
This morning I went out on a run. Well, really it was more like a jog but who wants to say- “I went on a jog”? No one. Anyways so I was jogging while Kesler rode his little bike in front of me. He recently learned to ride a two-wheeled bike and is the perfect companion for morning runs- er jogs. Soren always tells him to protect me while we are gone and Kesler takes him very seriously. I listened to my itunes radio while I go and this morning I heard a particularly appropriate new song. Rachel Platten’s song “Fight Song” came on and it made me feel so empowered and happy. It felt so good! Music always makes my runs better, but today it was particularly uplifting and I think it set the tone for the day. I came home ready to have a good day. And that is what we did!
How do you deal with depression when you struggling? Do you find there are things that help you?