Easton started summer school on Tuesday, and he was ecstatic about going. It is a pre-K prep for the fall that goes throughout the month of June. He gets to ride the bus, take his lunch, learn the school, and figure out the ropes of kindergarten before he starts for real. I was on board with him going because I knew it would be great for him to learn all of those things, and he wanted to go. But, oh, how I’m regretting it now! I really really hate it.
To be fair, he did awesome on his first day. And his second day went okay. Those of us left at home did terribly. I seriously missed him so much. And so did Kesler and Knox. It felt like we were missing someone (uh, we were!) and our schedule was all out of whack. I just felt sad and lonely and weird. That was made worse when, on his second day, he came home grouchy and tired and emotional. (Full day kindergarten is the devil. Seriously, how can it be good for kids? It’s too much, I tell you!)
So I kept him home on Thursday. I felt a little guilty but it felt right. He was happy to miss school and go swimming with us. He needed a break and to get back to his normal for a day. I sent him back today, and of course I wish he were home. I’ll be worried about him all day until I go pick him up at the bus stop. In a way I am grateful that summer school is so lax that we can take a day off if needed, but in other ways I think, “Why am I doing this to us?!?” I hate, hate, hate the pain of letting them grow up. It’s real and I just cry when I think about it. I hate crying. I know school is where he will succeed, and in most ways, he is ready for it. What sucks is that he has to go through some tough days to succeed at school and the struggle to adjust is real – for everyone!
For the past couple of years, I’ve been in a mom-of-little-ones role, and I’ve flourished. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve learned a lot and I’ve gotten comfortable. I can give advice about babies and toddlers and I’m not scared of having another at some point. But, heaven help me because I’m the mom of a school-goer now. My heart and brain can’t handle it, and I haven’t a clue what I’m in for.
Will you make this all better? Seriously – how do I get over this? I need all the help and advice I can get.