It’s not often that we get out on date nights around here. We try when we can, but there are a lot of barriers that make it easier just not to go. I always freak out about finding someone to watch the kids, and we often have a baby, so things are always changing as far as what is required of a sitter. Running a business outside of my husband’s day job means that we work together a lot in the evenings and on the weekends, so working together often takes priority.
But the biggest reason that we don’t go on real dates very often is that until the last few months, dates just haven’t been really fun. I often have had my expectations too high, and that never ends well. When my husband was late or ate just before we left for dinner, I was too frustrated to have fun. We would just end up fighting, and I couldn’t get over it, so we’d go home even worse off than if we hadn’t gone. I have a natural tendency to be un-fun, so dates with my thrill-loving hubby don’t always work out. For example, even on Valentine’s Day of this year, we again had a mess of a date. I got a sitter ahead of time and planned on going out for dinner – quiet, easy, low key – my kind of date. When we left the house (late), Soren decided to first take me driving in his recently purchased Volvo S60R. The purpose was to show me how fast his car can go (um – really, really fast) and to make me drive it (NO WAY). I really, really don’t like fast cars, fast roller coasters, or anything like it – but Soren loves those kind of things. Well honestly, I was a terrible sport about his car that night. (I haven’t admitted that to him yet.) I was so mad at him for pushing me out of my comfort zone and making me drive his speedy car and sweating me out. He knows I hate that stuff – and I know he loves that stuff- so I guess neither of us was looking to be a good sport that night. We ended up going to Red Robin afterwards, but I was too close to angry tears to even be seated. We went home hungry and I ate cold cereal for dinner. Ugh.
BUT last weekend we had a small victory. Or a huge one. For the first time that either of us can remember we got a sitter, went out to dinner, and just enjoyed talking about our plans and dreams for a couple of hours. We didn’t fight, argue, have hurt feelings, or stress about the kids. We ate dinner, took home dessert, and hung out. It was simple but it felt so good. It felt like progress. In so many ways we are such a great team because we are such opposites. But we really still struggle with getting along and communicating even after almost eight years of marriage.
I get frustrated and I get naggy, but I’m grateful when I can see such simple and happy signs of progress. Marriage is tough, but I think we are tough enough to handle it.
How do you make date night happen? What are your best tips for making it go smoothly? 😉